Much Love

Humbled by my humanity, I write to you tonight.

So longing to fill my life with more than obedience to the law

But fulfillment of a call to love

The homeless man seeking shelter among faint memories of innocent laughter.

The child singing praise to a King Most High, a growling stomach yet filled by the Bread.

The immigrant serving God among her brothers and sisters, invisible in a foreign land.

Must we entertain ourselves with our own self-righteousness and call this noble?

Looking at the world through a lens enticed by our fallen nature?

I have traveled but a far distance and have come back to reveal a majestic truth.

On the road to Damascus you will find a treasure such as this.

A heart convicted to abide by law, transformed by a call to love.

His family, yes.  His neighbor, yes.  Bust most of all to those who know not this love.

For it can be spread through only the sincerest of hearts.  One finds it not among the law, but amidst a walk with that of Christ Jesus.  How sweet it is, when one’s heart is transformed by the love of Christ, not to live a good life, but to love much.

Childlike Faith

I am coaching an Upward soccer team this year, 7 and 8 year olds.  In the middle of each practice we 'huddle up' and have a devotional.  Tonight's devotional was the Gospel presentation.  As I shared the gospel with them, they all interjected at random points with only the passion and joy that such little hearts can have that they had accepted Jesus into their hearts.  We talked about what this meant, and as we had our heads bowed in prayer, I asked that they raise their hands if they would like to talk to me more about Jesus or if they had any questions about what we had been talking about in our devotionals each week.  One of the girls raised her hand, so I pulled her aside at the end of practice.  I wondered with great anticipation what her question might be.  Her question was this: if God knew that Satan was bad, why did He create him in the first place?  In all honesty, I was a little shocked.  This sweet girl, who spends more time chasing butterflies and naming cloud shapes than playing soccer, had the most focused look on her face that I have ever seen.  The other coach and I talked with her about Satan and about choices, but I feel that I learned more from the conversation than she did.

I think sometimes we put kids in a box.  We think we have so much to teach them.  I have even been guilty of wondering if the kids on my team really, truly understood what they believed.  But what I realized is that they don't have to know why Satan exists, whether or not they believe in the gap theory, or if Adam and Eve had a belly button.  They truly accept by faith.  And through faith alone we are saved.  What a joy it is to see their hearts so full of love for God, knowing little in theology but much in faith and love.


"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." - Mark 10:15

Good News

On salvation:

"Never preach the experience; preach the great thought of God behind.  When we preach we are not proclaiming how man can be saved from hell and be made moral and pure; we are conveying good news about God."  - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Oswald Chambers' daily devotional has been so powerful, and I've only been reading for a little over a week!  He draws from scripture, creating a symphony of words, and in so doing lends a new perch for us to sit and contemplate his perspective.  I strongly encourage a daily dose!

Grace

When I journey with the winds of the world, even if for a moment, Grace finds me and tucks me back in to my Father’s arms.  At times this is of highest comfort.  Yet there are days when I feel the overwhelming darkness of my human heart and before I allow myself to be covered in Grace, I long to bring a sacrifice to His feet.  I search the depths of the sea in hopes of finding a worthy sacrifice to atone for a blatant disregard for the One Most High.  I itch and I squirm trying to break free from Grace, for I have searched my own heart and know that I am not worthy.  I love Him with such passion that my heart aches with pain as I approach, empty handed and tear stained.  I have nothing worthy enough for you my Lord.  I am a bit taken aback when He looks neither surprised nor angry.  He already knows.  He’s always known.  He reminds me of the cross, of His love.  He reminds me that He sent His Son, not to demand perfection but to cover with His blood imperfection.  And though my heart is full of imperfections, He loves me so.  Exhausted from the fight, I draw near to Him, reminded by my recent travels how Great He truly is.

Rejoice

Three separate and distinct times this week, God had placed Ecclesiastes on my heart.  Last night, I acknowledged this blatant message from Him and began reading it.  I was so enthralled that I read all the way through the entire book without realizing it.  God had placed the themes of Solomon's words upon my heart this week, and what a blessing it was to show up to bible study tonight and find out that our last week before starting a new study was going to be in Ecclesiastes!

This book as a literary device is stunning.  I cannot fathom how it must read in its original language.  As we look to the wisdom of Solomon, we see that he speaks to young people in particular.


"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.  Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment.  So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless." 11:9-10


We are to rejoice while we are young, but we must be wise in discerning what things we are to rejoice over.  Looks?  Money?  Status?  A new pair of shoes?  We have probably all rejoiced in those a few times. But what are we to truly rejoice over?  The Lord is faithful to his promises.  Always.

Thank you for this sweet reminder of your faithfulness God.  You continue to amaze me in the ways that you work in our lives.  Please help me to use Solomon's words as encouragement to those rejoicing in the world, for worldly things are "meaningless."  But you, God, you are the Rock eternal.


 

Scotland!!

We've made it in safely!  It was quite a long journey, it is 3:30pm Wednesday, Central time and we have been awake since Tuesday morning at 6am!  We are quickly becoming accustomed to Scottish lingo, as it's very important (pants mean underwear here, that is a bad one to get confused!!)  God is doing amazing work here in Niddrie, it is so encouraging to see their faith and their desire to share the gospel.  Tonight we had a great night of prayer with the church members.  I was asked to share my testimony along with Alex too.  God is so good!!  I can't quite keep my eyes open any longer, more to come soon!!

Blessings!

Heartache

"In fact, I remember thinking that if the world does not hate us, perhaps we should question whether we really are part of another kingdom."  - Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution

My heart aches.  It aches with such sadness that I hardly have any words left to utter.  Why do we so desire to be of the world??  Why are we stuck??


These struggles continue to challenge the deepest depths of my being.  I am continually challenged by what it means to be an American.  I wonder if I am part of a social oppression just by being born an American citizen.  I can rightly say that this is not my fault, but even so, because it is fact, do I have a responsibility to counteract an unearned privilege that was given to me at birth?  Could I not just as seemingly been born in an African hut or an over crowded Indian street?  Does my birthplace inherently change the capacity of my intelligence or my worth as a person?  Absolutely not.  We are all born helpless children with the same needs of food, protection, and love.  But our world is set up so that the geographic location of our birth can determine our societal worth instantaneously.  Jesus showed us a way that this could change.  He showed us a new kind of love, and love has the power to overcome oppression, anger, hatred, and a multitude of sins.  Jesus taught us that we now have brothers and sisters in Christ and we are to take care of them, not as if they were are own, but because they are our own.  I continue to struggle with these thoughts, and I understand that the fact that I struggle with such things means I am alive.  I continuously go back to Romans 8:18 which says, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  God is a just God, and I trust him fully.  I am not sure how I could struggle through these things without knowing that something truly good existed.  But I do, and that’s what keeps me going.

I have to admit that I am really struggling with the multitude of wealth in communities around me.  I do understand that many of these people don’t see what I see.  They have preconceived notions and stereotypes about people who are not like them but it is so frustrating because they won’t listen to what I see.  They don’t want to know.  But I see something entirely different than their world view.  I hear case presentations on a 5 year old who is already a gang member by relation to his older brothers.  He has witnessed countless murders and his common family fights include pulling out knives.  I see a woman working 50 hours a week just to put food on the table.  She grew up in an orphanage in a bad part of town, they usually weren't taken to school so she does not know how to read.  She is a grandmother and she has stepped up to care for her two grandsons.  Their mother is a drug addict and cannot care for them.  She needs our help.  I see a refugee from South America, raped and beaten in front of her entire family by government authorities.  Her family fled here for safety several years ago.  They all speak very little English.  The mother has a master's degree in accounting in her home country, but she has spent the last several years working as a hospital janitor to provide for her family.  She has never missed a day of work.  She continues to struggle to provide for her family both physical resources and an emotional safety net.  They are spit on, called 'aliens', made fun of, laughed at.  They need our love.  I see a single mother escaping her abusive husband.  She has left everything behind to keep her baby safe.  She works a full time job, though most of her minimum wage pay check goes to child care.  The only apartment she can afford has mold and led paint.  She knows it is not safe for the baby, but she has had to choose between there and the streets.  She needs our care.  I sit at a table of five war veterans.  Many are disabled, most suffer from emotional traumas like PTSD.  All are homeless.  They have come to have a free breakfast at a community event.  One notices my purity ring.  He asks me about it, and we dive into a deep conversation about our love for Jesus and his feelings of hopelessness.  Last night was his first night to be homeless.  He lost his job, he can't find another one.  His savings are gone.  He has no family to turn to.  He needs our compassion.

These stories go on and on.  And so does the heartache.  My heart won't stop aching.  How God's heart must hurt.  We are the Body.  We are His church.  We ask, how can God allow these horrible things to happen?  And I believe he whispers back an echo to us.  How can we, who claim to love Him, use our platforms as leaders or our wealth or our authority to pursue such worldly things.  I want all Jesus, all the time.  I can't find how to get there amongst all of the noise.

Fellowship

Paul's words spoke to me tonight in a new way.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me.  God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.  And this is my prayer:  that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

                                                                                              ~ Philippians 1:7-10


Father, my prayer for my church, for my own Philippians, whom I long for as Paul speaks about, my prayer for them is Philippians 1:9-10.  This has been the outline of my prayers from them since I first came to CFBC, and here I find it, beautifully written by Paul.  Father give them a strong faith.  Give them knowledge and insight.  Give them discernment on what is best, and pure, and blameless.  Let them always bring glory to you.  I love and care for them so, that at times, my heart aches.  They are so precious in your sight, even more so than in my own.  I ask, God, for you to take hold of our hearts, give us a strong faith, use us for the glory of your kingdom.  Guide us as we seek you, both personally and collectively.  

I understand in a new way the reason for thanksgiving when we suffer trials of many kinds.  Through my trials, God, you have blessed me tenfold with a faith I could have never known.  Are trials the only way we can strengthen our faith and develop perseverance?  If there is someone in remnant who requires this, then my prayer for them, out of the deepest love, is for them to battle through their trials, surrounded by a fellowship of believers, cling to you, and develop a faith that can move mountains.  And together, then, we can be a remnant among a lost generation.  Make it the desire of our hearts to exalt Christ for the glory of God through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.  Let us not be radical but magnificently simple as we respond to your call to go among all nations and make disciples.  And as we go, let us always glorify you in everything we do.  Your Goodness keeps me in a star bright awe, it consumes me and overwhelms me because I know I am not worthy.  Only Jesus has made me worthy of you, and for that...my knees weaken.  A sinner I once was and still am, but as I receive your grace, I am able to come up for air, gasp for your air because I was drowning so deeply before.  Now I thirst not for air but for you Word, your glory, your love.  Help us be a remnant Lord.  Consume us.  Let us go and proclaim that  You. Are. God.  That is all and that is everything you have called us to do.

Pride

I read the story of Nebuchadnezzar last week, but it keeps coming back into my thoughts.  He was so full of pride, so unwilling to turn from his own ways.  I know many nonbelievers like this.  They are too full of pride to accept Jesus.  They don't need to be saved, they don't need to be forgiven.  "I can do this on my own," they say.  Many times it brings me to tears, as many who I love deeply express this attitude in their lives.  Sometimes I feel defeated, I want to throw in the towel, I am left with nothing but tears of frustration.  But then God does a mighty thing.  He tenderly draws me to the story of Nebuchadnezzar.  He says, look closely my child, and you will find that I have dealt with prideful children of mine before.  Nothing is impossible, do not give up hope.  Your prayers are heard.  For Nebuchadnezzar, a man bursting at the seams with pride, declared this:

"Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he doe is right and all his ways are just.  And those who walk in pride he is able to humble." ~ Daniel 4:37

Tears flowed as I read this verse over and over.  Nebuchadnezzar's journey to this declaration was not easy.  He fought against God and his need for a Savior for many, many years.  But in the end, he honors the one true God.

Thank you God for this beautiful story.  A story that restores my hope for those I love to come to know you.  If it was me against the world, God, the world would win.  But I don't have to fight this fight alone.  I know you are with me every step of the way.  Give me words to speak as I continue to share your word with those who are seeking something they cannot find but in you.  Guide me as I strive daily to shine your light, to show the love of Christ to those around me so that they might question the source of my love and why it is unending.  Fill my cup, God.  Let your joy be abundant in my spirit.  Let your love in me overflow to the ends of the earth.

 

Creation

"God beckons storm clouds, and they come.  He tells the wind to blow and the rain to fall, and they obey immediately.  He speaks to the mountains, "You go there," and he says to the seas, "You stop here," and they do it.  Everything in all creation responds in obedience to the Creator...until we get to you and me.  We have the audacity to look God in the face and say, "No."  - David Platt, Radical

I spent a lot of time outside on this beautiful Houston day.  I was reminded of this quote as I stretched out in the swing set fort.  I was particularly attentive to the birds chirping and my natural surroundings.  I think sometimes living in Houston, it's easy to forget God's majestic creation that we call nature.  Don't get me wrong, Houston is great, but it takes a bigger effort on our part to remember and notice the natural things around us (because let's face it, there's not much left untouched around here).  But today, I was sweetly reminded of how Awesome God is, of the beauty that he surrounds us with through all of His created things.  I remember too, as Platt reminds us, that we are the only ones that say No.  I am torn.  I have great joy in the celebration of free will; how beautiful our worship must be to Him, a joyful noise indeed.  And yet torn because more often, we just say No and go on about our day.  As if offering our praise and adoration to him is something we can put on a to do list.  Take God off your To Do list and put Him in your Heart.  He is pursing you, madly and deeply in love with you...the kind of love that can never be checked off the list - because it is eternal.

Faith

Tonight I am reminded of Rahab and the faith she had in a God with which she was not familiar.  Her place in the lineage of Christ is beautiful.  We never know when God has gone before us and prepared the heart of a Rahab in our lives.  With faith, a task that seems impossible becomes an avenue through which God is exalted.  Who would have ever drawn up such plans as a prostitute in an enemy land helping two spies sent forth by Joshua?  Only the Lord, power and glory be to him!

We see this same faith in Tamar and Ruth.  Tamar and Ruth came to know God because those around them who loved God showed their love outwardly to those who were different from themselves.  Boaz and Naomi had a faith so strong and such abundant love, Ruth couldn't help but see the love of God through them.  Are we living our lives in this way?  Is our faith in God unshakable?  Is it evident?  Are we leading others to Christ through our faith filled actions or are we making them dizzy as they watch an internal tennis match as we battle back and forth between a faith filled and faithless life.  How do we live differently because of what we know?  (Remember what we know!?  The end of the story, that God reigns forever and ever!).  As Christ followers, we're on the winning side.  Our faith needs to show our confidence in this.

Father, give me courage to trust in you fully.  You have gone before me and prepared the way.  In whatever radical or magnificently simple way you have done so, I pray to you for courage and complete faith so that I may approach the unknown with a confidence that only you can give.  I desire for my faith in you to be so steadfast, so strong, that the Nebuchadnezzar's of the world will have no choice but to praise you and your mighty name.  

Devotion

Freedom Weekend was technically to teach the students, but I came away from the weekend deeply desiring to grow closer to the One True God.  The weekend has me thinking about the word Devoted.  What am I devoted to? - or - to what am I devoted (for the English majors out there).  As I studied through the book of Daniel this weekend and continue to read this week, I am struck by the awe of Daniel's devotion.  He has no fear - of the lions' den, of speaking truth to the king.  He is honest and forthcoming, gently and respectfully devoted to the Love of his life, the one who first loved him.

I think to myself, I can only imagine this deep devotion, for I have never been threatened by a king or lions.  All around the world, people are daily taking up their crosses in places where their government has deemed it illegal to claim Jesus as Messiah.  And so I sit here, humbled, and wonder, as an American, what should my devotion look like?  How can I be more devoted?  And as I pray over this very question, somewhere between an answer and another question comes to mind:  More.  There has to be more.  More that I can be doing.  More that I can be praying for.  More that I can be learning.  More that I can be studying.  And before I know it, I am quite overwhelmed with a call and a desire to do More.  I imagine two columns in my peripheral vision, my time never ceasing to fill one or the other.  One is my time spent in the Word, in prayer, being devoted.  The other is time spent being of the world.  At the end of the day I gasp at how disproportionate the columns are, as if I am surprised that yet another day has gone by with the same conclusion.  That despite my 30 minute quiet time, my well intentioned 'devotion' looks more like the size of a mustard seed (well isn't that ironic!) compared with my worldly column.

God, give me strength.  Give me courage, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, discernment.  Help me navigate the things of this world.  I want to be like Daniel, God, hopefully devoted to you in prayer, increasing in knowledge, steadfast in the faith.  I take a step back and realize how trivial the things of this world are, and yet I find myself desiring them in the next moment!  Guide me, Father, as I go through the day.  I pray that my eyes stay focused on You and You alone, for you are God.  My hope is in you and only you.  Give me discernment as I desire to do More for your Kingdom.  You have been Devoted to me since before I was formed in the womb.  I so desire to be Devoted to you with all that I have, with all that I am.